


How Do I Say I Love You?

by Galactic_Rover



Series: Permission to Be Happy? [3]
Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Love Confessions, Melendaire Monday, The Good Doctor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:21:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23435332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galactic_Rover/pseuds/Galactic_Rover
Summary: The Good Doctor finale had me beyond peeved. So this fanfic story is my catharsis. I hope you enjoy!
Relationships: Claire Browne/Neil Melendez
Series: Permission to Be Happy? [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1723660
Comments: 22
Kudos: 80





	1. Out of Time

**Author's Note:**

> The Good Doctor finale had me beyond peeved. So this fanfic story is my catharsis. I hope you enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire and Neil spend his final moments together

With her head on his chest, Claire stared up into the face of the man she loved. She tried not to blink. Being too afraid that if she did, he might slip away in that microsecond. The color was draining from his face and so was the life. They shared one kiss, but it broke her heart to kiss him like that. “What took us so long to get here?” She ask through her tears. His smile was weak, but it still touched his eyes. “Fear.” “What you said to Shaun was right. You didn’t make me fall in love with you, it really was something that just happened naturally over time.” He let out a quiet chuckle, “It really shoots down your men and women can be friends, notion.” “The theory is sound; we’re just a bad example.”

“Hearing you say I helped you become a better person, made me realize that I was in love with you. I want you to know that I feel the exact same way about you. Having you in my life has made me a better person too.” Neil smiled, “For me, it was seeing you with Dash. That’s when it hit me like a Mack truck; I wanted to be more than just friends.” “If only we had come to this conclusion sooner.” Claire noted ruefully. “Wouldn’t have made a difference.” Neil was right. They had been too afraid to speak up.

“Being with you feels like a huge piece of my life has fallen into place.” His words made Claire smile warming her heart. “I know the feeling,” She said smiling back at him as tears streamed down her face. “I should have made sure you were properly evaluated.” “Stop. Not your fault.”

\------------

The room was still and quiet. She focused on his slow labored breathing and his infrequent heartbeats. The beeps of the heart monitor filled the deafening silence, reminder Claire that she was running out of time with him. At the sound of Neil’s breath hitching in his chest, Claire knew what was happening. Neil’s advance care directive along with his signed DNR tied her hands and prevented her from doing anything else but make him comfortable. “I love you.” His whisper was barely audible. With a smile on his face his eyelids slid closed. The bleak reality punched in her gut, knocking the wind out of her. She didn’t need to hear the sound from the monitor or see the flashing red bar over the green flatlines to know what just happened. She saw it with her own eyes. Neil was gone. “I love you too, Neil. Rest easy.”

_The pain that was becoming all too familiar hit her squarely in her chest. Claire finally got what she wanted only to lose him hours later. She didn’t get to say goodbye to her mom and barely had time to say goodbye to Neil. Why was it that every time she got close to someone, they left her too soon thereafter?_

\--------------

Claire awoke to sound of her alarm blaring. Her eyes squinted against the light spilling in through her window. Silencing her alarm, she rolled over in bed as the tears pooled in her eyes. Her brain, still under the fog of sleep, tried to make sense of everything that happened. “Oh thank God! It was just a dream.” She exclaims while clutching her chest. “It felt so real.” Claire took in a deep shaky breath, as she eagerly welcomed reality. "It was just a dream." She repeats to the herself while forcing brain to replay the last twenty-four hours until she found what she was looking for. The truth was that Neil was fine. He had since recovered from his injuries and today was his first day back. Claire never took much stock in her dreams or nightmares; she rarely gave them a second thought. This nightmare was different, it shook her to her core. But in doing so, it had also cleared up any doubts she had surrounding Neil. She loved being a surgeon and would continue working hard to achieve her dreams. At the same time however, she wasn't going the let her love life be dictated by the conjectures of others. 


	2. Let's Be Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire and Neil discuss the harsh realities facing their budding relationship.

Neil rubbed his eyes as he typed feverishly to finish his last report. His shoulders slumped, his bones ached, and his back felt tight. He begrudgingly admitted to himself that he overdone it today and vowed not to make the same mistake tomorrow. Racing against the setting sun he was eager to leave work. As his office door swung open, his attention was quickly diverted by the smiling face he’s been waiting to see all day. “Hey,” he greeted Claire with a widening grin. Her mere presence, as if having magical powers, had livened him up with a vigor he hadn’t felt in months. “Hi.” She said rushing toward him before flinging her arms around his shoulders. Caught by surprise, “Happy to see me?” Pulling away to look him in the eyes, “More than you know.” What was that he saw in her eyes? Relief? “How was your first day back?” Claire walked around his desk. Her jovial mood left Neil transfixed by her radiated smile.

“Busy but much better now that you’re here. Yours?” A shy smile curled her lips. “Better now. Working with Dr. Lim today was awkward, to say the least, but thankfully it didn’t affect our work.” Shaking his head, “Yea that isn’t likely to go away soon. Neither is the scrutiny.” “I figured it wouldn’t.” Studying the disarray on his desk, “I assumed your first day back would be a light one.” “It was.” Shooting him a knowing look, “How many surgeries did you have today?” Flicking his gaze up at her, “Three.” She scoffed at his answer. “I’m fine.” “Hmm, where have I heard that before?” “Well what’s done is done.” They both fell silent. “So, we do have to talk. Should we grab a drink tomorrow after work? My treat?” “Yea let’s do that. I’ll see you tomorrow Claire.”

\-------------

By the end of the next day, Neil wasn’t ready for an emotionally charged conversation. His last surgery went longer than expected and the patient’s long-winded family had zapped the remainder of his energy. His conversation with Audrey a couple of days ago left him more hesitant about moving forward with Claire. Caught between a rock and hard place, he knew that whatever he decided one of his relationship with one of these women would suffer. Should he lead with his heart or his head? He led with his heart in his last two relationships and wound up getting dumped, twice.

Claire had already expressed her fear of hurting someone she cares about; it wasn’t a fact Neil could just ignore. Plus the stakes were higher for both of them. Whether or not their relationship succeeded, the fallout to their reputations and careers could be damaging. His brain was telling him to play it safe and end this relationship while he had a chance. His heart, on the other hand, was a goner, telling him to pursue this woman with every ounce of his being. The truth of the matter was that he’d been fighting his feelings for a long time; he was tired. As Neil wandered into the restaurant, he found Claire waving from a table nestled in the corner of the bar area. Stopping the waiter that has just passed by, “Excuse me, can I have a pint of the house brew sent to that table in the corner? Thanks.”

He sent Claire a smile as reached the table. “Have you been here long?” Shrugging out of his suit jacket, he drapes it over the back of his chair before sitting. “No about ten minutes.” “I would have been here sooner, but my last patient had a very chatty family.” Briefly discussing their day, Claire and Neil slipped into their familiar routine, enjoying each other’s company over another round of drinks and a couple of appetizers. “Hold on, the patient invited you to his daughter’s wedding?” Nodding his head, “And his wife said I could bring a plus one.” “When’s the wedding?” Claire asked though a laugh. “In three months. Why you’re interested in going?” “Weddings are joyous occasions. Not to mention the free food. Maybe it’s not such a bad idea.”

“It’s a _terrible_ idea, to a strange request.” “It’s not that far-fetched of an idea. He had a successful heart transplant that will give him more time with his family. Now he gets to walk his little girl down the aisle and you’re a big part of the reason why.” “I’ve never met his daughter, so showing up to her wedding would be weird.” “Good point.” Hearing Claire’s laugh had become one Neil’s favorite sounds. Every time he was around her, he fell deeper in love with her. Neil had always prided himself on his determination; he went after whatever he wanted. Why did Claire have to be any different?

His heart and head were at war over Claire and it was ripping him apart. Neil was distracted by the introspective battle happening inside him. His mood morphed instantly from blithe to doleful. He was so engrossed with his own thoughts he hadn’t Claire trying to get his attention. Shaking his hand, “Neil…earth to Melendez.” Snapping out of his daze, he exhaled sharply. “I don’t know how this could work between us, Claire.” Her smile disappeared as her eyebrows knitted together. Nodding her head, “Is this because of what Dr. Lim said to you?” “She pointed out things I already knew and I’m sure she did the same for you.” “She did but I don’t think we should predicate our lives based on what people might say or do.” 

Shaking his head, “It’s not that simple. There are many factors that have to be considered. Our age gap, our work relationship, the toll could be put on other relationships.” “But are these factors _that_ important? If we love each other, and are willing to make it work, then shouldn’t we be more focus on building a meaningful relationship that doesn’t buckle under the weight of outside pressures?” Neil had been contemplating that very question. “That’s a fair question, but yes they are important. Our relationship wouldn’t happen in a vacuum. Think of the favoritism complaint. That made things tense between us. Not only did it affect us, but all the residents under my purview. Dating will magnify that, trust me. The workplace dynamics will get skewed, and all that tension rolls right over into our personal relationship. At some point, the relationship will suffer. Don’t forget the unnecessary scrutiny this would put us under or the criticism it opens us up to.”

Claire shook her head. “So what are proposing? Dating in secret or not dating at all?” Neil pressed his lips into a thin line, “For the time being, I think we should remain friends.” “That might be difficult now that we’ve admitted our feelings for each other.” “I know.” Neil said quietly. An uncomfortable silence fell between them. Neither one of them knew what to say. It wasn’t the outcome Claire was hoping for, but she understood where he was coming from; it didn't make the sting of rejection any less hurtful. “Ok I get it.” She said as she dug into her purse pulling out a couple of twenties before putting it on the table. “The bill is on me.” Getting up from her seat and grabbing her stuff, “I’ll see you tomorrow Melendez.” “Claire, Claire!” Neil yelled after her as she shuffled out the door. “Dammit.” He muttered under his breath as he flagged down the waiter for the check.


	3. Let's Be Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire and Neil make a decision about their relationship.

Claire regretted not driving herself to the restaurant. Now instead of finding solace in driving away in her own car, she had to wait ten minutes for her Uber to arrive. She spotted a nearby bench in well-lit area a few paces down and decided to stand over there and wait for her ride. Her head roared with conflicting thoughts. On one hand, she could be relieved. Dating Melendez would be risky to her job, her dream, and her reputation. What if they began dating only to find themselves spending more time defending their relationship instead of being in one? Staying friends had its advantages, in some regards. On the other hand, Claire wasn’t keen on missing a shot at real love and happiness; especially not to appease others who would have nothing to do with their relationship.

“Claire!” She turned at the sound of name to see Neil walking toward her. “What did you leave like that? We were still discu-” “Do you know how hard I had to fight to get to you? This is years in the making and I don’t think we should give up without a fight. “It’s not that we’re giving up. Just because we’re not dating doesn’t mean we love each other any less. I want to be with you, Claire. Trust me, I want you. But love is more than just being with the other person. Love is about unselfishly doing right by them and ensuring that you have their best interest at heart.” “And you believe that, by not being together is in our best interest?” Holding her gaze, “Yes, at least right now.” Nodding her head and biting her lip she considered her next question. “How long should we wait then? When would be the ideal time? Because I distinctly remember you telling that if it’s the right guy then stop waiting of for the right time.”

Neil tried to suppress a smile as she threw his words back at him. “That was different.” He said after composing himself. “Well when you gave me that advice about Dash, I started to realize very quickly that you were the right guy Neil.” “Answer me this. What if we get together and this blows up in our faces?” “Then at least we can say that we tried. Every relationship has uncertainties. Not knowing what the future holds, is guaranteed.” “That’s not entirely the case here. We’ve seen exactly how boss-subordinate relationships pan out; Hell I been through one and it didn’t end well.” “There is an exception to every rule.” “That is a dangerous assumption to live by.” Shaking her head in frustration, “Normally I would agree with you but in our case, I don’t. You and I have never done this before. So how can we know _exactly_ what will happened?” “Because history, even if it’s not ours, informs the future.” “And love defies logic.”

Taking a deep breath, Claire gathered her thoughts before exhaling slowly. “I had a nightmare about you the other night that. I watched you die. Your injuries were far worse than we expected, you went into septic shock, and nothing could be done. You only had a _few_ hours to live. I tried to tell you that I loved you, but you stopped me. It was only after you were too far gone that we confessed that we loved each other.” Tears began to trickle down her cheeks as she recounted the horribly vivid nightmare. “We didn’t get any time together; it was mere seconds, and it wasn’t enough Neil.” He saw pain on her face, and he didn’t like it. He enveloped her in his arms, kissing the top of her head as he ran his hand up and down her back. “I’m right here, very much alive. It was just a dream.” With her ear pressed against his chest, she could hear his heart beating steady and strong.

She stepped out of his embrace and looked up at him. “I understand your point of view of why we should wait or just remain friends. But I don't want our lives to end up like that dream. Waiting until it's too late because we're too afraid. I don’t want to wait anymore. I almost lost you Neil, in real life, and that was terrifying. If all we had was here and now, wouldn’t you want to make the most of it? If we have the chance to be together, shouldn’t we take it? I know it’ll be difficult, and we’ll face more obstacles than we should.” Claire paused for moment to intertwine her fingers with Neil’s. “But what is life if we don’t choose to love each other intrepidly and without hesitation? How many times have you told me to go after something and not wait for it to come to me? So this is me going after what I want. I want to be with you Neil. I don’t want to delay my happiness any longer. Let’s choose to be together and happy, now.”

Her impassioned speech was enough to obliterate any resolve he had of just being friends. Of course he felt the same. Suddenly, the idea of wasting more time in the name of caution seemed less palatable to Neil. “You always did have a knack for persuading me to see things your way. You’re right.” He responded while wiping away her stray tears. “I feel the same way. But in the back of my mind I know this won’t be easy.” He admonished as he shook his head. She shrugged as the corners of her mouth lifted into a contented smile. “Nothing in life worth having ever is.” He mirrored her smile as he cradled her head in his hand. “I love you, Claire.” “I love you too.” Their lips touched, igniting the blazing inferno between them. It was as if every unspoken word, every suppressed feeling they ever felt for the other was conveyed through that one kiss.

They were both panting by the time Neil stepped back. He wanted to record this moment in his memories and savor how she looked. Hair swept back and pinned at the sides; her enchanting eyes glowed like embers under the distant street light. What kind of spell did she have over him? As Neil gazed lovingly at Claire, he could swear he glimpsed his future. _Marriage. Fatherhood._ _Unadulterated_ _happiness._ Her eyes were like two crystal balls allowing him to see the limitless possibilities that awaited them. “Neil and Claire against the world.” He whispers, smiling to himself at the prospect of forever. “Sounds good to me.” Claire’s grin was so wide her cheeks began to ache.

He dropped another kiss on her soft lips before smiling against them. Pulling back to look at her, “Well now that we’ve settled _that_ matter, we have a more pressing issue to deal with.” Claire’s forehead creased in confusion. “What?” A sly grin tugged at the side of his face as he pulled her towards him. “I was promised _more than I can handle_ , once I recovered. If we’re agreeing to give this a shot, I ready to collect that debt.” Claire grabbed Neil by the lapels of his suit jacket. Standing on her tiptoes, she planted a lingering kiss on his lips. “Then what are we waiting for?” “I have no idea. Let’s get the hell out of here.” Unlocking her phone, Claire cancelled her Uber ride as Neil lead her quickly to his car. The butterflies fluttered erratically in Claire’s stomach. As she slid into the passenger side of Neil’s sleek, black, Tesla one thought that popped in her head, putting a grin on her face. _"Suck it you pitiful nightmare._ _Claire Browne’s got her man._ ”


	4. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Extra fanfic scene

Neil awoke with the pressing need to relieve himself. He tried to move but he couldn’t. Becoming hyperaware that he and Claire were still naked and entangled under the covers, Neil was suddenly less eager to move. Reluctantly, he carefully unhooked Claire’s arm from around his waist and slowly scooted out of bed.

Glancing over, he was glad to find her still fast asleep. After coming out of the bathroom, he gingerly slipped back into bed. Turning on his side, Neil propped his head up with his hand. He thought she looked beautiful under the soft glow of the low light bedside lamps. Watching as Claire’s chest rose and fell slowly, he listened to her soft snoring. Even in her sleep she was radiant. With one hand now behind her head, and the other resting on her stomach, she looked peaceful.

A smug grin curled Neil’s lips as his mind replayed the sensational bliss, he had experienced a mere few hours ago. Bringing Claire back to his place; ripping each other’s clothes off between kisses, and stumbling toward the bedroom; the feeling of his hands roving all over her body, his mouth lavishing kisses down the same path that his hands took; making her come with his fingers, then his mouth, before experiencing the euphoric sensation of burying himself deep inside her; hearing his name fall from her lips as her body shuddered through her third orgasm beneath him mere seconds before he found his own.

Sleep overtook them soon after, before he could go back for more. Maybe now that they both were rested; he could wake her up for seconds. Gently sweeping a runaway tendril of hair out of her face, Neil took in the unobstructed view of Claire, mesmerized. She was finally his. Dropping a kiss on her forehead, Neil resolved to let her sleep and to get some more shut eye himself. Before he could, Claire began to wake, and an eager, playful smile danced across Neil’s lips as she did. Claire opened her eyes and immediately focused on him.

“Hi,” he whispered softly. A lazy smile formed on her face. “Hi,” Claire responded as she stretched her waking limbs. “Is it morning? What time is it?” Glancing at his alarm clock, “A quarter past three.” Claire regarded him suspiciously. “Were you watching me sleep?” “Possibly. I woke up a few minutes ago. I think the sound of your snoring woke me up.” Letting out scoff, “I do not snore.” Trying to suppress a smile, “Hey it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You don’t snore that loud anyway.” Placing her hand over her forehead, “That’s doesn’t help.” Letting out a chuckle, “Well would it help to know that last night was incredible and that you rocked my world?”

A shy smile tugged at Claire’s lips, “A little. Last night was amazing. Who knew that Dr. Neil Melendez was as good in the bedroom as he is in the surgical room?” A quiet laugh escaped Neil’s lips as they lifted into a self-satisfied grin. “Correction, I’m _outstanding_.” “Either way, I have no complaints.” Grabbing her free hand, Neil kissed her palm before intertwining their fingers together. “I know it’s only been a few months, in the grand scheme of things, but it feels like I’ve waited a whole lifetime for this moment.” “I know the feeling.” Claire responded with a brilliant smile.

“Having you next to me, I feel on top of the world, but I feel guilty all the same…like I don’t deserve to be happy like this.” Claire let out an exasperated sigh. “Why? Because we didn’t wait a year or two when I’m no longer a resident? So things might be slightly less complicated than they are now?” Neil knew the question was rhetorical, but he answered her anyway. Nodding his head slowly, “Exactly. You’re like the forbidden fruit I was never meant to taste.” Letting out a shocked laugh, Claire pulled herself up until she was Neil’s eye level. “You make it sound like I’ve corrupted you.”

“More like we’ve corrupted each other. I feel insatiable; I want to love you, and fuck you, over and over and over again. I can’t imagine keeping my hands off you now.” “Then don’t.” Pulling him down by his shoulders until he was flushed against her, she began to pepper kisses down the side of his neck. “I want you over and over and over again too. Forget about everything else right now. Let’s just enjoy us.” Bring his face to hers, “There’s nothing I want more.” He smashed his lips to hers, as kissing her as fervently as he could. Truth of the matter was that Neil had tasted the forbidden fruit and now he’s hooked.


End file.
